My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
