It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
