My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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