I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
