rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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