I wish I could teleport
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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