I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
