dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
