went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
