What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
