Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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