Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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