you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
