Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
