I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
