I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
