I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
