is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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