do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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