He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
