Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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