Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
