yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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