he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
