just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
