She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I AM VODKA MAN
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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