you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize