we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
