sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
