You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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