You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
