At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
