I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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