2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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