i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
