You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
