i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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