dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
