so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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