I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My dad is sitting where you rode me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
