there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
