If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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