And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
