Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
