we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
