You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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