When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
