dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
