he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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