my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
