my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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