You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
