New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
