i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
