he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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