we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
