If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
