Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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