@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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