You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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