Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
