apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
