Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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