I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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