Hey man sorry I got all grabby
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
