Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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