Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Green mimosas i think yes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
