Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
