I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize