Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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