You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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