Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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