If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
