Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
